If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
