yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
