my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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