I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
