she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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