my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
