bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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