I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize