and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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