Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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