he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
