I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
