you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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