I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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