I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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