she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
