Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
