Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
