I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
