He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
