How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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