That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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