dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
