We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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