it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
