i need an iv and a liver transplant
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize