he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
