So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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