my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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