like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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