she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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