dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
