Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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