But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize