fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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