Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
