Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
