you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
