just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
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He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
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dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Shame - the story of my life.
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