anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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