A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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