I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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