when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
