dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
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downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
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I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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