I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
