i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
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I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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