Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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