Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
