You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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