Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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