my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
