I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
BRING THE BAGELS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
