The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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