We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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