i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
