Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
