morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
