Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
