Please, let me fuck your mom
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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