It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
