did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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