Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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