The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
