Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Pooping to opera.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
