I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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