ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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