sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
