im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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